There were some interesting events leading up to Mum’s 90th birthday party. Nine o’clock Tuesday morning Mum called me to ask if I had her car keys. She had lost them again. At 9:45 am her doctors reception called to ask if I knew Mum had an appointment with them, I didn’t but called Mum to ask if she had found her keys. She hadn’t so I suggested I’d come down and drive her to the doctor. When I got there she was sitting quietly sipping her coffee and eating a hot cross bun! I asked if she was ready as I had other things to do that morning she said she wanted to finish her coffee first. This can take ages as she like to drink it luke warm! With a bit of time on my hands I decided to see if I could find her keys. They are usually in the pocket of something she wore last so I checked all pockets and found it in her jacket. I still didn’t want to leave her as I was sure she would forget what she was doing and miss her appointment all together so after handing her the keys I waited. She was now 15 mins late for her appointment. When I pointed this out to her she said, don’t worry they will put someone in before her or even two people if need be. I wasn’t in the mood for her antics so left her to sort herself out.
I then raced off to see if I could get my old watch fixed. It had died in Sydney when I’d needed to turn the time back for their silly daylight savings! We don’t have daylight savings in the West, we stick to God’s time. Anyway I tried to get it fixed and was told it wasn’t worth it. This was a watch I had been given for Christmas when I was 12 yrs old. I thought it was worth it! I decided to keep it safe till I was in Asia next. It was finally fixed for about $2.00 Aust in 2015 when I was in Mumbai. But now it was stopping and starting just after I had had the battery replaced. I found a proper watch repairs not just the ones that replace the battery and ask them how much it would cost to have it looked at and repaired. What! $200.00 or more! Once again I was told it would be cheaper to get a new one. I didn’t want a new one! I thought I might take it back to where I had the battery changed to see if they could see what might be wrong.
Before getting home I called in to Bunnings where I bought glue for attaching the mosaics, as I was leaving Mum called to ask if I wanted to go out for lunch. I told her I would but not just yet as it was only 11 am. I also wanted to call in to visit Nezka and the kids who were on school holidays. So around midday I called in to see Mum and took her to Karrinyup where I also inquired about my watch they kept it in overnight to observe it. Mum and I then sat down at a coffee shop where Mum looked through the menu then decided she was not hungry and anyway she only had $5.00 in her purse. hhhmmmm this was not what I had come out for and I wasn’t very happy. She had offered to take me out for lunch and now she was being stingy! Praise God I had just had a coffee before picking her up so I wasn’t that hungry either. We wandered around the shops a bit with me thinking she might see something she liked to eat but instead she suggested I get something and she will just sit with me. Holding back my disappointment I suggested we go home instead.
Wednesday, Mum decided she wasn’t needing to take her tablets which included heart and blood pressure medication. I arrived in the evening as I normally do to cook our dinner and put her tablets out for the next day and notices she hadn’t taken the morning dose. She has a blister pack made up of all the tablets which I then cut to give her an individual pack per day. It is not uncommon that she forgets to take the tablets so I told her she had forgotten. Normally she takes them without a fuss but this evening she told me that her doctor had told her she no longer needs to take them. I disagreed and when she started arguing with me, suggested we call the doctor to clarify. Unfortunately the nurse at reception didn’t get back to me till 6 pm which is their closing time. In the meantime she had become very upset. Unable to find her keys she took off with Suzie the dog. I started dinner thinking she was just walking up the road. I was wrong. Nezka gave me a call to say she had asked one of the neighbours to give her a lift to their place. I then realised she didn’t have the house keys as they were with her car keys so suggested I’d leave them for her on the back veranda. Nezka also suggested she stay with them for dinner and Michael would drop her home when he had come home from work. I then had a quiet dinner alone and walked home.
Thursday morning I rang the doctor’s surgery to ask if Mum had come in as she had said she would. They said they had spoken to her and that she was organizing her own medication. I was a bit confused! I asked them what they meant and was told that she was going to look at the blister pack to see what she needed to take and what she no longer needed. I informed them firstly that I was in charge of the medication and that she did not have a medical degree to be able to decide what she did and didn’t need and that is why she came to see the doctor. I then reminded the nurse Mum also had dementia. That morning I also visited the pharmacist who know my situation, she told me the doctor’s surgery had called to ask if Jane’s blister pack medication was ready to be picked up. The pharmacist told the nurse that I was in charge of that and they should call me. I couldn’t believe it!
Thursday was also the day before Mum’s drivers licence was to expire. That evening when I arrived I reminded Mum that she was unable to dive the next day. She wasn’t happy and said the doctor had told her she was able to drive up to the day she was being assessed. I knew this wasn’t right and began to see a pattern that whenever she was challenged she would say the doctor told her. I decided I wasn’t going to argue this time and ignored her ranting and raving. She went outside to cool down while I cooked. When she came in I’m sure she had hidden her car keys. I think she thought I might take them off her. Later that evening she asked where I’d put them, I told her I hadn’t touched them.
That night I asked Trish to call and have a chat to Mum as I was concerned that she would forget or worse be defiant and just drive. Trish did have a chat to her but told her she would not be taking her to her assessment as she didn’t agree with Mum having her licence for the past 3 years. She then rang me to tell me and said if Mum were to drive then I wasn’t responsible it was Mum’s choice. I understood where she was coming from but it just didn’t sit right with me. I know Mum can be defiant but she is usually a law abiding citizen. I decided to leave it all in the Lord’s capable hands.
Friday morning she called me to ask where her keys were. I reminded her she had lost them. It wasn’t worth telling her she no longer had her licence as she couldn’t drive without the keys anyway. I had also written in her diary in red in ‘Your driver’s licence has expired – don’t drive’ this was just a reminder not meant to be a warning. She rang back a little later asking where were her keys? Where had I put them? It was then I tried to explain that they had been missing from the previous night and that she couldn’t drive anyway. I truly believe the Lord had intervened and although I was getting the blame the keys were nowhere to be found! Every day after till my sister Kath arrived she called to ask if I had the keys or if they were at my place. Trish had visited her and together they had looked. We had all looked several times, inside and out but still no keys.
Poor Mum she sounded so distraught and sad I just had to take her out. I have a set of her car keys and most of the time she is so muddle headed she doesn’t put the two together and ask for my set of keys but when she does I let her know they are my set. I don’t want her to lose another set of keys! I took her out for a coffee then back to my place to watch a recorded movie to try to keep her mind of her troubles. When we arrived back that evening Trish had been around and left some flowers. She came back on the Saturday and took Mum out for lunch. Then Sunday afternoon I took her for a drive up the coast which she always likes.
In the meanwhile I was working on getting all the things organised for Mum’s 90th birthday. Having the venue at the church was very convenient as I was able to pop in to find out how the sound system worked, look at how we might set up the room and where all the things were kept that were needed for the day. I had gathered photos from the family to be showed on the day and put together a list of instrumental music to be played. Nezka’s daughter Tanaia who is thirteen also offered to play the harp. Kath, being the chief was in charge of food, Jen the collecting of the finance.
I had asked friends from church to operate the barista which they were trained to do.
Tuesday 25th April, ANZAC day was also Lyn Coppo’s birthday. We have known Lyn since Christmas Island days, she was first grade teacher. I called Mum early to let her know I was coming to pick her up. I left my things at home, as the van had been borrowed by church people, and walked to Mum’s. We packed her things into the car with the dog before dropping them at the park to give Suzie a run while I picked up my bag. Mum had forgotten where I was to meet her so I had a bit of a hunt before I found them. Then we were off stopping for loo and a coffee on route down. Three hours later we arrived right on time. It was a lovely time catching up with Lyn’s family some of whom I hadn’t seen for close on 40 yrs! I offered my assistance in handing around the food. There was so much I was afraid we would have to much food left and as Mum and I were staying the night I knew we would be looked to to help eat the leftovers. We didn’t need more food for dinner but because the satay and chicken wings had been previously been prepared they needed to be cooked and eaten. Well that what I was told. I was really surprised at how much food there was! I stayed the night at Neesha’s, Lyn’s daughter, which was a two mins walk from her Mum’s. Mum stayed with Lyn as did her eldest son Soren who had flown over from QLD with his son and partner. I was exhausted and fell asleep within minutes but woke at 10:30 feeling unwell. I think I must have eaten too much! I finally fell asleep again just after 1:30 am then woke at 7 am. Too late for a jog and I’d missed Neesha who was taking the dogs for a walk through the bush. Around 10 am Mum and I bid our good buys and headed back to Perth.
I unloaded Mum at her place and was asked for the keys as she wanted to go out. I reminded her she didn’t have a licence which wasn’t received at all well. She asked me for mine but I told her I had to take the car to drop my stuff at home and I’d be back later that evening. Praise the Lord when I rang her before my return she was in a very cheerful mood as she had visitors. She said she was complaining to them, I said good get it off your chest you need someone to tell what a terrible daughter I was. We both laughed.
That night I arranged things for Kath’s arrival, leaving the key where she could find it and making sure her bed was ready for her as she was arriving after midnight and would need the car the following day.
Thursday I was busy doing last minute organising and shopping for the party. The van had been borrowed by someone at church who needed it for tip runs so it was back to public transport before going to Mum’s in the evening to cook. I then picked up Mum’s car so that I could collect Jen and Kate her daughter from the airport at 8:30 pm. I was going to call in at church for the last minute check of the sound and visual display but forgot. In fact I nearly left an hour early. Poor sleep and a busy schedule were taking its toll.
Jen’s flight was early but I still needed to wait doing a second lap before picking them up. It was lovely to see Kate again. I hadn’t seen her since she and Richard her boyfriend had passed through in Dec 2014. She had spent the past two years studying and working in Liverpool, UK. This is Richard’s home town and where Kate and he first met. Driving out of the airport I took the wrong exit but hadn’t realised till about half an hour later when I should have been nearly home! I was heading south instead of west. This error would never have happened during the day but being distracted with talk and it being so dark I didn’t pick it up till I saw a sign saying Bunbury. Opps! Jen checked out our position on google maps and headed me towards the Mitchel Freeway which was west but would eventually take us north through the city to Reid Highway which was the road I should have taken in the first place! I don’t think I will ever live that one down!
We were all rushing around Friday morning then Kath, Jen and I met up at the church where we had permission to use the kitchen for preparations for Mum’s 90th on Saturday. Kath being the chef was in charge of the food. She cooked an amazing chocolate cake a two trays of sausage rolls. Jen and I cut things up for the dips and generally were Kath’s kitchen help.
After packing up Kath and I took the cake back to my place to be decorated on Saturday. We then took the van just up the road to a local baker where I was asked to pick up the end-of-day bread. The van was loaded! We then took off to City Beach were all the sisters were meeting to have pizza on the grass with Mum. It was a lovely evening till I tried to start the van. Flat battery! Oh dear I think I had left the lights on! We were all so exhausted! Jen rang Trevor, Trisha’s husband, who brought some jumper leads which did the job and we were back on the road.
Saturday was another busy morning. This time Mum was invited to help. She was told we were all working together to help me do a function at the church. So in fact she was working and helping to prepare for her own birthday. Kate then took her back to her house so that she could get ready for her friend Jeanna who was coming to take her out to a special afternoon tea party. Which was of course her 90th. Jeanna was asked to bring a plate of food that was conveniently left in Mum’s fridge.
By this time all the family plus my lovely friends from church, were at the church preparing. Three of the church’s trained barista volunteers were helping with the coffee orders plus Joan who had visited Mum while I was in Sydney. She helped catch all the arriving guest, stick on names and ask them to write a few words on coloured paper, while I took photos, all of which I hope to stick in a book of remembrance. Mum having onset dementia is needing help with remembering names even of those she has known for years.
All was beautifully set up and guests arriving but I still couldn’t get the visuals working. Matt, Jen’s son had tried but without success. Then Neesha gave it a go and finally success! I had lots of people comment on what a lovely display of memories. There were photos from Mum’s childhood to present day. Mum’s great granddaughter played the harp in one corner while guests sat at small tables or on the lounges or mingled while snacking from the long tables covered with an assortment of finger foods.
At 2:15 pm I spotted Jeanna’s van arrive and went out to greet them. I asked if they wanted to come in and have a look at the ‘function’. I escorted Mum through the doors past the helium 90th birthday balloons where I asked did she know anyone who was 90? She looked a bit dazed. I then asked her if she recognised any faces. Kate then escorted her into the coffee lounge where all her friends shouted happy birthday!
It was an amazing day. We had all the immediate family, different groups that knew Mum from Christmas Island days, her doggie walking friends, swimming friends, neighbours and everyone in between. Part way through Jen took the mike for a short word, before I said thank you to everyone and commented on how lovely it was to see all my family at church. A family joke as I am, at the moment, the only Christian. Others came up to say a few words as well as her chaplain from Baptist Care who I’d asked to pray for her. I was a very memorable day.
Most of the family stayed behind to clean up which didn’t take us long with all hands on deck. Then home for a well-earned rest.
Photos: 1. Kate escorting Mum into party 2. Lyn’s 80th birthday with her family, Mum and I 3. Kath brining in Mum’s birthday cake 4. The family 5. Mum and her girls minus Trish and great granddaughter Tanaia. 6. Kate and Mum at Creative Cards, Friday crafts at North Beach Baptist Church.
Prayer & Praise Points:
Praise the Lord for His blessing on Mum’s party and for all the wonderful friends and family who made it so memorable.
Please continue to pray for my sister Jenny as she is still looking for work. Please also pray for Kath who has taken some time off to visit her friends in Europe, that she will have work when she returns.
Praise Him for my new business opportunity, Senior’s Benefits and Rewards. Pray for wisdom for all the challenges that go with it, for open doors and the right people and connections to make this new business venture successful.
Praise the Lord for mum’s continual good health. Praise Him for His peace and reassurance as she has been adjusting to not being able to drive.
Please continue to pray that I will know the Lord’s leading, strength and wisdom as I encounter the challenges that lie ahead.
Thank you to all my supportive friends and prayer partners. I really do appreciate you.